Well it's done. We are married. I'm a Mrs.I have a ring and a massive credit card bill to prove it.
The day was lovely but lost in a sea of tiredness and a lesson in why it is important to follow your heart rather than other people's opinions.
I can't lie I was disappointed. Not the service. No it wasn't that bit at all (even though I had to be 20 minutes late as the serving staff got lost and my mother-in-law had to go find them).
No it was all the bits after that.
When we got to the reception the serving staff hadn't set up everything the way we had asked resulting in a queue of people waiting for food (no big deal I said). We had forgotten to put tables outside so people were milling around (no problem just pop a few chairs out I said). There were less flowers than I wanted as we had all gotten too tired the night before (we left the hall at 2am after decorating, we had flowers who needs more flowers!) so it was all perfectly adequate but not as I had envisaged.
My main route of all the stress was that I had done what people told me, all the struggles to do the things we wanted in the planning meant a lot of compromise to the point we ended up with very little of what we (OK me the boy would have been happy with anything) had dreamt and the things that I did get were there as the result of nasty arguments, and many tears.
Don't get me wrong the day was lovely, the Boy looked so handsome, the sunshine was amazing (it was torrential rain the day before!). In all the photos everyone is smiling. There were tears of joy. There was great food and lots of dancing.
I ignored some of my new family commenting on not liking this or that. I concentrated on speaking to the people that I knew were happy for us and I tried to ignore the tired eyes the many who had helped us with all the decorating. But in the end it all added up and now I can only look back and think that all the months of hard work resulted in a day that wasn't right and my heart feels heavy.
The Boy of course tells me I am utterly stupid for concentrating on the negative and to be honest I am guilty of that but I had dreams of this day. I don't mean big grand dreams (we never had the budget for that). I mean dreams where the Boy and I could sit and plan things and laugh about them, and enjoy the process, where we spent quality time with family and friends but we ended up trying to find ways to encompass the demands that were put on us. One thing led to another and we ended up at a place we said we would never be, utterly miserable and all for one day in our lives.
Ironically after all the struggles to get some of what we wanted we found out that one of our guests decided to carbon copy our wedding - down to the same suppliers.
I am trying to be positive about the day but in my heart I know it was not the day it should have been so my advice to all brides to be: Ignore those around you making demands. Yes I know this feels impossible but if you don't you will end up with a day that is not a reflection of you both and on which you will look back and feel sadness. Instead if you have a demanding mother or an aunt who thinks you should only wear this or that type of dress and uncles who won't travel, just elope. Elope and spend the day being the two of you. Just have a party when you get back, if people don't understand then they never will.
I know, I know, this post is a little disheartening but this blog is about life, as it really is. Not like a glossy magazine but like a well loved book, very interested but battered around the edges.
To try and balance it all here is a happy picture of us leaving the church and being met with a barrage of lavender (see smiles everywhere and glorious blue skies).
Taken by the amazingly talented and very charming Alex Brenner
Cheerier talk to follow...
